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Anyone in the world

The holidays are coming up fast, which means travel, turkey dinners and quality time with the family. Which is no problem if it’s your family. You’re used to all those weird relatives. But what if you’re headed to your hot new girlfriend’s house for Thanksgiving or Christmas?


Charm everyone’s pants off, and not only will it turn her on to the point she’ll finally try on her old cheerleading uniform for you, but they’ll actually have your back when you screw up and she wants to kick you to the curb.


Sure, you can hide in the den watching football with her drunk uncles, laying low till it’s safe to pop your head out from under Grandma’s hand-knit afghan, but there’s one major flaw in that game plan. Namely…

If you don’t win over her family, you’re toast.

It’s true. Every girl takes seriously how you fit in with her relatives. If they’re lukewarm, that’s a major strike against you. And if they straight up dislike you, that can be a deal breaker because of the added stress in her life, for the rest of her life. In a recent survey by social dating network Zoosk, 69 percent of women say they would break up with a guy if they brought him home for the holidays and he was rude to their parents, didn’t get along with their siblings or didn’t like the family pet.

On the flip side, charm everyone’s pants off, and not only will it turn her on to the point she’ll finally try on her old cheerleading uniform for you, but they’ll actually have your back when you screw up and she wants to kick you to the curb. Double bonus!

So, how do you schmooze your way to the head of the table? Follow these Art of Charm-approved tips.

1. Storm the Beaches

Find the crankiest, most bitter old man in the place, usually her dad’s dad or worse, her mom’s dad (who’s likely still ranting about the schmuck his own daughter married). These cantankerous Clint Eastwood types often enjoy a high level of influence within the family, and everyone is simultaneously respectful and fearful of them.

Meaning that if you get him to warm up to you, the entire family will soon be in awe of your cojones. These guys usually just want attention, so chat him up about what it was like when he was your age, and even ask him for advice. This talk will bring him back to simpler times and make him feel important—a one-two punch sure to win over even the saltiest patriarch.

It helps to remember that the bar for success is usually rather low. Her past boyfriends probably never even talked to him. One ex’s grandfather said he liked me because “he doesn’t have his head firmly placed in his ass like every other guy his age, and doesn’t dress like a queer, either.” Assuming you can manage those two things, you’ll be well on your way.

Win this hard-ass over and you’ll be halfway to happy hour.

2. Run the Room

During larger gatherings, one of the biggest mistakes we guys make is following our girl around the place and expecting her to entertain us until it’s safe to bounce. This is not only annoying and weak, but also it signals your apathy toward her family and makes you look like an antisocial turd. Think how much your girl loves it when she can leave you alone for five minutes at a party. Same situation here.

So while she’s catching up with her family, take care of yourself, not only by watching some of the game with the guys, but by engaging the womenfolk as well. You don’t have to join the knitting circle, but you can pop into the kitchen and ask if they need anything from the store. This not only earns you major brownie points but also lets you get the hell out of there and breathe a bit.

Alternately, ask the chef(s) if they need any help. You don’t have to be Batali to peel potatoes or slice carrots, and it gives the ladies a chance to grill you on your personal life. Now you’ve got a built-in chance to humble brag and rave about their precious relative, all the while demonstrating that you’re a sensitive guy who’s considerate of others.

This is so money, since women love nothing more than to gossip about new people who come into the mix, and you might as well be there to defend yourself. This can be a huge win if you play it right.

Bonus tip: No man ever lost points by volunteering to help wash dishes.

3. Show the Pets Some Love

One of the biggest tricks in movies to get the audience to warm up to a character is to show him or her petting a dog or saving a cat from a tree. Hopefully by now you’ve realized that the only women you want to date come from families that own dogs, and the same principle applies here.

So be sure to play with the pets and get them to enjoy your presence. Like it or not, people put a lot of stock in whether their animals take kindly to new faces.

Besides, once you’ve determined he won’t bite your face off, you can offer to take Fido for a walk. That’s another easy way to score points and get a much-needed break from the pressure cooker.

Not exactly what we’d call an “ideal situation.”

4. Refrain From Excess PDA

If it’s not clear by now, one of the best things you can do is to establish yourself as a confident, charming and self-sufficient individual, as opposed to your girlfriend’s lap dog. The final piece of that puzzle is how you interact with her in front of her family.

And at this point, that’s pretty simple. You absolutely should tease her and show affection. Hold her hand when you go for a stroll to look at Christmas lights and put your arm around her on the couch. But by all means avoid gratuitous smooching or handsy-ness. Even if she likes it, the older members of the family will find it sleazy. Also, the more you can restrain your affection, the more your girl will want to rip your clothes off when she finally gets you alone.

So there you have it. Check each of these boxes and you should be good to go. Remember that most families actually want to like you, they just don’t know how to go about it. Show them the way, and the rest is as easy as Grandma’s homemade apple pie.


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by Adri antoth - Thursday, 25 February 2021, 1:07 AM
Anyone in the world

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Anyone in the world

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Anyone in the world

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Anyone in the world

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Anyone in the world

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by Sam Fox - Tuesday, 23 February 2021, 11:07 AM
Anyone in the world

Oh, take me, John Mayer!  Lead me into your lair of tell-all romance and cheesy pop songwriting and show me what it means to be alive.  Your sensuous lips, your earnest attempts at artistry, your lover man rep have failed as yet to pique my curiosity.  Until now, when I can no longer turn the rest of the world up loud enough to drown out reports of your manic, ex-girlfriend dissing Tweets or your face harassing me from magazine covers.  You have wanted to imprint your name into the nation’s psyche and you have succeeded, by God.  You have seeped into my brain.  You are in my soul.  

First, you were generous enough to spread your luscious seed among the most magnificent females our culture has on offer: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan.  Goddesses all!  Next, you charmed the Queen of Broken Hearts, the unfortunate Jennifer Aniston.  And we have been lucky to have you share with us every detail of the affair, including its tragic end brought on by your valiant quest to find the “Joshua Tree of vaginas” and your “tweeting too much.”  Indeed, dear John, the world is a cruel place for lovers. 

And now, the admiration you have garnered for your records, your multitude of talents, even your philanthropic gestures has been buried by your douche-baggery.  In a Rolling Stone article from January, you admitted women have begun to consider “blowing me off [as] the new sucking me off.”  You let us in on the relentlessness of your own masturbation, how the act is a “hot whirlpool for my brain” and that you’ve masturbated yourself “out of serious problems.”  

In a recent issue of Playboy, you tell us how much you love porn and how the immensely gifted and unmistakably Venusian Jessica Simpson was your drug, a “sexual napalm” of a woman you say you wanted to “snort,” a celestial being for whom you would “start selling all my shit just to keep fucking.”   

I can’t understand why any woman would repel your advances.  You, John Mayer, are a dream. 

But I must admit you’ve hurt me, dear friend.  When asked about your affairs with black women, you said, “I don’t think I open myself to it.  My dick is sort of like a white supremacist.  I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock.”  

I would call you an asshole but that might play into your self-aggrandizing need to be reviled.  I would call you a racist, but I can only imagine how painful it must be for a soul as sensitive and good as yours to have a bigot living in your pants. 

Unfortunately, I’ve been involved with men like you, most notably my very first boyfriend.  Peter was also desperate for attention and desperate to rid himself of his own psychological chaos by thrusting his private thoughts into the world.  Like you, he chipped away so masterfully at his own inner censor, he offended everyone in sight.  In childhood, he’d been a nerdy, anxiety-ridden fatso no girl would kiss, until, like you, he miraculously turned into a swan.  Thus, he became an insecure playboy who went through women like a chubby kid goes through soda pop.  He was non-committal, he was lousy in bed, he was a jerk.  And, like you, women adored him until he started to implode. 

I suppose this letter is for you and all the men in the world like you.  John, you are no ladies’ man.  You are an awkward, insecure kid.  You are still the sad boy who could only experience erotic pleasure all alone beneath his Star Wars bed sheets.    

Perhaps you need friends instead of Twitter followers.  Perhaps you need women who are intellectual powder kegs rather than “sexual napalm.”  Perhaps you need to get your shit together so you can be the person you seem to want to be. 

I offer you the same sympathy I offer Peter and all the men I’ve known who were stuck in their own angst.  I’m glad you’ve found music as a receptacle for the frustration in your soul.  But why must it be women who receive your bile?

Related Reading:

Easy Ways to Save Money

Seeing Men Through My Mother’s Eyes

On Being Multiracial and Finding a Match

Lessons from Power Couples


How to Make Your Boyfriend Go to Church with You

The Psychological Problems that Accompany Interracial Relationships

Romega Loveawake

Mscoastchamber Loveawake

White Woman’s Burden

5 Reasons Me and Teens are a Match

Letter to a Fabulous and Confused Woman

Show Up Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

You Can Never Go Home Again

Always Do Your Best When Dating

There’s No Such Thing as “Too Good to be True”


Anyone in the world

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Anyone in the world

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by alina beth - Thursday, 18 February 2021, 10:50 PM
Anyone in the world

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